One of the reasons why I never wanted to give God my whole heart was that I knew I would disappoint Him over and over again. I looked at my life and the things I was doing that had become part of me and I knew that deciding to follow Christ wholeheartedly would hurt like cutting a part of my body off would. I wished the Christian journey was only for old people such as parents or grandparents, for I thought they had not much temptations like we, young people do. So, My relationship with God would be good for a while until I mess up and run away to come back when the mystery of this world had hit me once again.
It is natural to run away when we mess up. We do this with people around us, and we definitely do it with God. It is hard to sit still through shame, guilt, and disappointment in oneself; It is hard not to hide when we know we could have done better; when we had promised ourselves not to fall again hoping that next time we’d be careful and mindful, hoping that next time we would watch our steps. But we always end up in the same place covered with shame, wondering if this Christian journey was meant for broken people like us too.
For some reasons we like to think the Christian journey is only for the saints. Honestly, I believe it is instead for the courageous ones. People who are brave enough to sit in their mess instead of running away from it; people who are willing to stay at the feet of Jesus when they can’t understand, when their bodies fail them, when shame is painted all over their face, when they are not sure they’ll do better next time. This journey is for people who have all the reasons to give up on this God nobody has ever seen but choose to stay and believe He sent His son for them too.
It took me a while and I am still learning to stand still and not run away when I mess up. I am still learning to wait, I am learning to push through my mess, I am learning to stay at the door until He opens. Because I have learned that running away is all the devil wants us to do, for when we do, he breaks us all the more. The devil wants us to miss the prodigal son and father moment; he wants us to never test on God’s unconditional love; he doesn’t want us to ever know God’s unending grace and the power of the cross; he doesn’t want us to be reconciled with one who sees our mess and still calls us beautiful, he doesn’t want us to grow, to be better, to change. The devil basically keeps us away from experiencing everything that Love, Grace and Forgiveness were meant for, for the power of these three is experienced better by the broken, not the righteous. he will do anything to steal the HOPE from us. he will do anything to steal ETERNITY from us.
So, today come sit with me and let’s practice to own our mess and mistakes. Let’s practice to embrace our imperfections and unmet standards. Let’s practice not to run away from the unfinished work of art of God-US. Let’s dare to look at our wickedness in the eye and remember God didn’t run away from it either. Let’s learn to wait patiently for God’s work to be completed in us knowing He will use every good and ugly to make something beautiful out of us. Let us not run away from the process this time, for His grace and Love can only be truly felt when we choose to sit through our shame-when we allow Him to love us the way we are. Let’s keep trusting that even when we see no improvement, He is still working on us. Today, Let’s fall freely in the arms of Grace and KNOW that sin NO LONGER has power on us. We will undeniably fall short of His glory while we still in this world, but we will keep getting back up fixing our eyes on He, who knows how to save us from ourselves.
And here is the best part, one of my favorite songs of all time.
Hey there, I am Sharon Amanda Muvara, I am a storyteller!